


Begging for Mercy

by shorty5000



Category: Barcedes - Fandom
Genre: F/F, barcedes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-27 15:42:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15027839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shorty5000/pseuds/shorty5000
Summary: This is a Barcedes alternate universe fanfic that takes place in a small Idaho town in the year 2017.Mercedes' whole world is shook when Barbara comes to town. She finds herself becoming obsessed with spending time with her, and although she tries her best, she eventually can't hide the fact that her feelings for Barbara are more than friendship.





	1. Part 1

I.

She was introduced to me as Barbara Roman. I thought that was interesting, considering her husband (the new chief of police) was named Pereria. I wondered how modern she must be to not take her husband's last name as her own. The principal said she would be a volunteer and had experience with theater and so she would be working with me to produce the school play. I was resentful. Unfortunately, I had already spent countless hours deciding which play we would present, and even more time considering responsible students who would take the project seriously. What I didn't need was someone confusing things or disrupting the routine I had already planned out in my mind. I begged the principal to find a different volunteer assignment for Barbara Roman, but that didn't go very well. She accused me of not being welcoming to the new comer, and stated very clearly that not only would Barbara Roman be responsible for the play, but that she would also become an aide in my classroom. I could barely swallow my anger, but I had no other choice, she was to be my partner.   
“Good morning Mercedes,” Barbara said shyly. We had been introduced the day before when I had done my best to make her feel out of place. It was no surprise to me that she was acting coldly. I had even told her to not get to excited about the play because I didn't expect her to be around for too long. Part of me felt guilty about my attitude, but I wasn't one to hold back my thoughts, and I did not want anyone interfering in my classroom, or in the play for that matter. But, having been thwarted and chastised by the principal, I was determined to try my best to be cordial with Barbara.   
“Good morning.” I gave her a small smile when she appeared at the door to my classroom.   
“Shall we begin assigning roles today? I believe Sophia Quiroga may do well in the lead part.” She smiled back at me, a big, real, beautiful smile. I agreed with her. Sophia was who I had in mind as well to act in the lead role. Her astuteness caught me off guard. She had been in my classroom for one instruction period and she was able to identify the talents of specific children.   
I smiled back at her, more genuine this time. “Yes, I believe you are right. She would be great. But I was thinking we could have auditions, to stress the importance of participating so that the kids take it seriously.” I bit my lower lip, hoping, for some reason, that Barbara would like my idea.   
“Great plan!” She said, enthusiastically. She gave me a wink and retreated to the back of the classroom where the principal had set up a little make-shift desk for her to use. Throughout the day I would occasionally catch her eye while I was teaching. She stared at me with rapt attention, and something in her gaze made me feel, nervous. By the end of the day, the children who were interested in being in the play had auditioned. We had a lot to think about because the idea of being in the play had quickly become a popular one. I couldn't help but assume that the sudden interest had something to do with the magnanimous volunteer director, who also happened to look like she just stepped out of the pages of a glamour magazine. Barbara had black hair that was silky and glimmered when it caught the light. She wore it in a natural style that sent waves of curls cascading around her face. Her face was covered in creamy skin, save for a smattering of delicate moles near the left side of her mouth. We didn't get much excitement in our little town of Rupert Idaho, and Barbara Roman's arrival would have been stirring enough, even if she had been plain looking.   
“Mercedes, I'm so glad we went with your idea for auditioning the parts. I would have never guessed that there was this much talent in the school. The town is so small.” She blushed while she was speaking, as if she had said something embarrassing.   
I worried that she was being careful with what she said around me because of my initial reaction to her and I wanted to put her at ease, but it was difficult for me. The nervous feeling I had when she was watching me teach was even stronger when we stood alone in my classroom, close enough to touch. Finally I managed a response, “Barbara, I'm sorry if I seemed unwelcoming towards you yesterday,” I said.   
“Please, don't worry about it Mercedes, I understand. You were feeling proprietary. It's only natural.” She smiled and placed the ghost of a touch on the tips of my fingers. I took a quick breath at the contact and returned her smile. My breath hitched again when I realized she was coming in for a hug. Her arms wrapped around me and she chuckled. “I'm glad the ice is broken now,” she said, still laughing.  
II.

We made plans to meet the next afternoon, even though it was a Saturday, to assign the roles and make arrangements for the rehearsal schedule. I found myself anticipating her arrival to my father's inn, where we had agreed to meet. I checked my appearance more than enough times in my bedroom mirror. Still living in the inn with my father was not embarrassing to me even though it seemed to be a source of shame for my father and older brothers. Rupert was a Mormon town, and we were Mormon just like our friends and neighbors. It was highly unusual for a woman in her mid twenties to remain unwed even in 2017, and there was a constant pressure on me to select a partner and become a wife and mother. For my part, I was happy living in the inn and teaching at the school. I enjoyed being independent and having a career. I feared that would change for me if I were to marry and start a family, it had for my dearest friends who had given up on professional dreams once their children started arriving. More importantly, there was not a man who had ever interested me.   
When Barbara showed up at the inn I was waiting for her at my favorite table in the lobby. I had asked the cook to prepare a small plate of crackers and cheese, and I had lemonade waiting as well. “Oh Mercedes, this looks wonderful!” She reached out and hugged me. She seemed even more cheerful since I had apologized. I wondered if I would get used to these embraces that sent my heart pattering like raindrops into a shallow puddle.   
“It was no problem,” I replied and smiled when she released me. We sat and began pouring over the notes we had taken during the auditions. An hour or so later, we had assigned all the roles with little argument. She was insightful and had good judgment and I found myself becoming gloomy at the thought that she would be leaving soon, now that we had finished our task. “What are your evening plans?” I asked, hoping to elongate my time with her.   
“No plans,” she said smiling brightly. I couldn't help but think that maybe she wanted to keep spending time with me too. I smiled back.   
“Have you seen the town? I mean there isn't much to see.” I continued grinning at my own joke.   
She was laughing when she responded, “yes, I believe I saw most of it on the way in! I admit, I was surprised to see we have a small movie theater. Would you like to see something with me? I mean, if you don't have plans that is.”   
“No. I mean yes!” I covered my mouth. Why was I so flustered? “I meant, no I don't have plans, and yes, I would love to see a movie with you.” She beamed at me. Her smile was like a glowing light seeping out of her.   
“Great! I will just run home and talk with Nick, make sure he has something for dinner and what not. What time should I meet you?”  
“Would you like to meet me here at 7:00? The movie should start at 7:30. We can walk from here, it should be nice weather.” I had the movie schedule memorized, although I didn't know what was playing on their single screen at the time, I was sure whatever it was would be just fine.   
“I can't wait,” she said. She retrieved her belongings and waved goodbye at the door.  
III.

Later, I was upstairs in my room preparing again for Barbara's arrival when I heard a commotion in the lobby. Once downstairs I realized it was the chief of police and his deputy in an argument with my oldest brother. Horace, my brother, was refusing to allow them to enter. That is when the chief presented a warrant and also announced he was there to arrest my father. Gasps and other noises of shock could be heard from the casual diners in the restaurant; Horace told the chief to keep his voice down.   
“Why?” The chief sneered, “I am here to arrest your father.” He turned to face the five or so people who were in the restaurant of the inn. “Ernest Moller is under arrest. We have every suspicion that he was involved in the recent death of his fiance, Elvira.”   
My knees gave out and I was thankful that I was standing on the stairs so I had the banister to keep me upright. “This can't be!” I shouted. The chief moved past me followed by his deputy and my brother Horace who was hollering demands that the police wait in the lobby. Minutes later they appeared on the stairs again where I was still waiting in shock and disbelief.   
“Don't say anything papa,” my brother Horace advised. “I will call the lawyer; these swine won't get away with this!” Horace followed my father who was handcuffed and escorted by the chief and his deputy out of the inn.   
I didn't have any time to digest the news. The inn cleared of diners and my brothers and their wives, my close friends, sat with me around the largest table discussing the events. I stayed quiet mostly, while I listened to my brothers vent. None of us thought it was remotely possible that my father had murdered his fiance. The whole idea was ridiculous. Obviously it was the chief trying to solidify his presence and make a name for himself by solving this crime as quickly as possible. It was the worst time for Barbara to show up, but she did.   
Letting herself in to the lobby she turned and made eye contact with me. She was smiling at first, but it must have become clear to hear that the mood was grim and she quickly changed her facial expression. “Mercedes, what happened?” she said.   
“What happened?!” I flew out of my chair and stormed towards her, allowing the anger I had previously felt towards her to rear it's head again. “How can you ask me what happened when your husband just burst into my father's inn and took him out in handcuffs?”   
I noticed Barbara's shocked expression but was determined to remain hardened towards her. She took a step back from me, almost as if she was afraid. “I'm sorry,” she said, “I didn't know.”   
“How could you not know!? The man is your husband.” This time it was my brother Carl shouting at Barbara. He began to stand from his seat, but Horace's wife Elsa put her hand gently on his forearm, effectively calming him and keeping him seated.   
“I think I will go. I'm sorry to have upset you,” Barbara said. She made intense eye-contact with me, then softened her gaze, turned and left. I immediately felt lonely and regretted mistreating her.  
IV.

Throughout the evening I ruminated about by father's arrest with my family, but I couldn't get Barbara's face out of my mind. Secretly, I was making a plan to apologize and make it up to her. The next day at church, Barbara and her husband sat far away from my family, which was for the best. Unfortunately, it meant I would have to track her down when I was hoping we could bump into each other naturally. I didn't want my brothers to know that I was apologizing for our behavior at the inn. I didn't want them to know how badly I wanted her to be my friend.   
After services, I made an excuse to walk in a different direction while my family headed towards the inn, as usual. I was on my way to Barbara's house; I knew which one was hers, of course, because the city provided a home to the chief of police a block down from the city hall. It was a modest home, but well kept. I knocked on Barbara's door and held my breath.   
“Mercedes,” she paused, looking doubtful, “I didn't expect you.” She stepped to the side but did not invite me in.   
“I came to apologize Barbara, for the way I treated you yesterday at the inn.” I stared at her, my eyes darting back and forth between her brown irises and her red lips.   
“It seems you are quick to be angry with me,” she said, and I worried she wouldn't accept my apology. “Thank you for saying sorry. It's alright.” She looked down.   
“No, it's not alright. I was upset at the way your husband acted, but that's not an excuse. Although I do wish you would have told me that he planned to arrest my father at his own inn in front of patrons and my nephews.”   
“I didn't know Mercedes! I promise you, I didn't know. Nick never tells me anything, in fact I am always the last to know.” This was the first time I had seen real sadness in Barbara's eyes and I wanted to comfort her. Before, when I had been rude to her, I saw something else in them, like a challenge, but seeing despair cover her face was almost too much for me to bear.   
“May I come in?” I asked, trying to find some way to prolong our contact.   
“Please, I'm sorry I hadn't already offered.” She moved into her house and I followed her closely. I tried not to make it obvious, but I scanned the surroundings, curious about Barbara's style and way of decorating. The house was quaint, and fairly empty, which made sense considering they were very new to town. The present decorations were simple and elegant. I found myself admiring her black piano and looking for family pictures, of which I found none.   
“It must be difficult being married to the police chief of a small town,” I said. Barbara sat on her sofa and I followed her lead, keeping a great deal of space. My need to comfort Barbara scared me and I wanted to make sure I could hold my instincts at bay.   
“Yes, it is difficult.” Her statement was blunt and bold. “May I speak freely with you Mercedes?” I nodded and she continued. “Yesterday evening Nick started a giant fight with me when I told him I was upset with him for not preparing me that he was going to arrest your father. See, I had told him that you and I were becoming friends and that you were being so nice to me, but he didn't care at all. He orchestrated that big charade at your father's inn with no concern for how it would affect my friendships and the connections I am trying to make. I'm so sorry, he can be rather tactless.”   
“You don't have to be sorry, Barbara. I know you have nothing to do with it.” Her hand was resting on the cushion between us and without thinking about it, I reached for it. I saw a smile form on her lips when our skin met. I let go before I embarrassed myself. “I feel the need to express my father's innocence to you.” I looked up at her shyly. “My dad is not a killer, Barbara.”  
“Of course not Mercedes, I believe you!” She reached for my hand again and didn't let go. “If it makes you feel better, the police always question the spouse in situations like this. It's procedure. Nick just likes to make a big show of things when he shouldn't. Don't worry, I'm sure your father will be released in no time.” She patted my hand when she let go and gave me a reassuring nod.   
“Would you like to go to the movies with me tonight?” I asked, feeling like if I didn't get it out immediately, I wouldn't be brave enough.   
“I'm so sorry, Mercedes, but Nick has made plans with some of the men from church and I have to go with him.” She seemed sad again, and maybe resentful. Something small inside me broke, a very tiny bone; I had been longing to spend the evening with Barbara. “But we will see each other tomorrow at school.” She smiled again, her genuine smile.   
“Yes, sure,” I said, and tried to smile back as bright as Barbara.  
V.  
We were lingering in front of the school saying goodbye to the children when Barbara handed me a slice of orange. I took it politely and stifled a yawn.   
“Tired?” She asked.   
“Yes. I didn't sleep last night worrying about my father.”   
“You must try and get some sleep, Mercedes, we have so much work to do!” She smiled and was clearly trying to pull me out of my foul mood. I smiled back at her, letting her know that her comfort was welcome. “At least you don't have to deal with a snoring husband.” She snickered. “Nick snores so loudly he wakes me up ten times a night!” I laughed at her joke and took another bite of the sweet orange she had given me. “Do you have a boyfriend, Mercedes?”   
“No. Not me.” I said, and sensing that she wanted more of an explanation I stumbled on, “dating has never really been my thing.”   
She laughed. “Really? I can't believe that. You're so beautiful.” She handed me another piece of orange and I accepted, smiling at her compliment and not knowing what to say. My whole body felt warm, like I had been laying in the hot sun, knowing that she thought I was pretty. “Should we go to the movies then? So you can relax?”   
“Yes! Yes. I need to relax and a movie would be good. There should be a matinee playing, it's supposed to be a romantic comedy,” the words rushed out of my mouth like bats from a cave.  
“Lovely! I adore romantic comedies. Let me grab my things.” She smiled and trotted away.  
When she returned we walked to the movie theater from the school, our arms brushing against each other occasionally causing the warm feeling in my body to reignite. Once we arrived at the theater it became clear that they had changed out the film they were showing and now on display was the horror film IT, a Stephen King remake. Barbara seemed to sense that this caused me concern.   
“Do you not like scary movies, Mercedes?” She asked in a teasing tone.   
“No, not really. I am easily startled,” I said, nervously.   
“Should we come a different time?” She asked.   
“No. No, it will be fine.” I was dreading seeing this film, but I couldn't stand the idea of postponing this date with Barbara any longer.   
“It's okay, I'll protect you.” She nudged my shoulder. “Come on.”   
I followed her into the partially empty theater and we found seats near the back. During several parts of the movie I jumped and screamed and covered my eyes. I could hear Barbara laughing at my expense, but for some reason it didn't bother me. It made me feel safe to know that Barbara was not scared. In the final scenes, my eyes were covered and I felt Barbara's hand reach for mine. She held it in her lap and stroked my fingers, reassuring me. By the time the movie was over, I wasn't scared anymore, only upset that the credits were running and that meant we had to go.   
Outside it had become dark. Barbara offered to walk me home and I accepted, not even trying to hide the fact that I was too jittery to make the walk alone. Normally I would have been embarrassed, but with Barbara, I didn't worry that she would find me silly. I invited her into the inn knowing that my brothers would be out. She followed me to my room and waited while I unlocked the door.   
“Oh my, that movie was quite jumpy,” she said, plopping onto my bed. She tapped the space next to her, asking me to come sit. I did, not worrying about leaving wide gaps of space between us this time.   
“Yes, it was scary. I can't believe I made it through!” She laughed at my self-admonishment. “Honestly, I don't think I would have made it if you hadn't held my hand.” She smiled up at me, her heavy eye-lashes bobbing up and down.   
“No.” She said and clicked her tounge, doubting me. “You didn't need me.”  
“Yes, I swear. When you held my hand it made me feel, I don't know, safe.” She looked up at me again and I could feel my stomach open and drop like a parachute.   
“Really?” She questioned, and I nodded yes. “I think that's great. That means I will always know how to take away your fears, with just a friendly hand,” she said, and reached for me.   
Our hands were together again and she began to run her fingers along the inside of my palm, onto my wrist. I shivered, and I knew she noticed, but she didn't stop caressing me. Eventually my fingers started to play along as well, almost on their own accord. The soft skin of her forearm felt like silk under my finger-tips. I was rewarded when I heard her sigh, it almost sounded like a moan. What were we doing? It felt, salacious. I pulled my hand away at the thought, instantly hoping my quick movement didn't upset her.   
“Are you okay now?” She asked softly.   
“Yes,” I said, but it was barely a whisper. She started talking about Nick and about how she had to leave to be home before arrived from work and was gathering her things. Barley concentrating on what she was saying, I walked her to the front door of the inn and told her I would see her tomorrow. On the way back to my room I tried to hide my exuberance, but my steps felt lighter, like I was floating.  
VI.  
At school the next day, while rehearsing the play with the children, Barbara sat in the same desk as I was sitting in. The desk was not large, so our bodies were pressed flush up against one another. The feeling of it gave me goosebumps. Several times throughout the practice I found myself trailing my fingers along my collarbone and neck, encouraging the reaction I was having being close to Barbara's body. Practice was going well and the children who were selected to act in the play were taking their responsibilities seriously. I was proud of them, and having Barbara witness their hard work was increasing my satisfaction. It was difficult for me to pay close attention with the way my mind was racing having her so close to me, but I was sure they were in good hands. She was a competent director and I knew the play would be a success completely under her care. I was free to allow myself to feel how good it felt to even barely touch her.   
I wasn't completely ignorant of the nature of my feelings, but I told myself that I was interested in having a deep friendship. I had only ever really had two close friends in my life, and the both happened to marry my older brothers. Since that time, they had been distant from me. Honestly, I felt alone, lonely. Barbara was new, and she was different, and it felt exhilarating when she paid attention to me. I decided to just allow myself to feel and not analyze too much, which was difficult for me.   
When leaving school that day, I saw Barbara hang up her cell phone looking upset. I caught up to her before she reached the front gate and gently grasped her bent elbow. She turned around looking forlorn. “What's wrong, Barbara?” I asked quietly, but she didn't respond. She just shook her head. “Please, you can tell me,” I finished in a pleading tone.   
“It's nothing, Mercedes. It's just Nick is passing the night in Pocatello.” She looked down, but it seemed like she wasn't done explaining. It also seemed like she wasn't going to complete her thoughts on her own, so I asked tried to help her along.   
“And that makes you sad because...?”  
“I'm not sad. No, it's not that, it's not what you're thinking. I'm not jealous or anything. I'm just a little frightened to be alone in a house I barely know, especially with what's gone on in the town, you know with your step-mother.” I had never heard Barbara ramble before, it was adorable. Like she was nervous and trying to come up with reasons to be scared of staying alone.   
“You can stay with me at the inn,” I said right away and was rewarded with one of her beaming smiles that made me feel like sun was shining on me.   
“Truly?” She laughed a little. “No, I couldn't impose like that.” She patted my hand.   
“No, really, it wouldn't be an imposition at all. Please come. My brothers haven't been staying at the inn at all lately and with my father still in jail it gets lonely there.” I covered her hand with my own and pressed it into my forearm.   
“Okay, I will!” She seemed excited. “Let me go home and pack some things. I'll be there in an hour?” She lifted her eyebrows. Her hand was still pressed against my arm, resting underneath mine.   
“Perfect,” I said.  
VII.  
Barbara had a twinkle in her eye and I knew that she had some mischief planned by the way she was looking at me with the corner of her lip curled up in a smirk. She had shut the door behind her when she entered my room. I had two double beds and she was sitting on the one I didn't use with a small duffle bag. Unzipping the bag, she looked up at me and asked, “wanna see what I brought?”  
I laughed. “Sure, what did you bring?”   
“I don't know, can I trust you?” She shoved her hand into her bag and rooted around.   
“Of course you can trust me.” I was still smiling, hoping that this situation had remained humorous, when Barbara removed her hand from the bag and revealed a bottle of Brandy. I was somewhat shocked, but I didn't take the smile off my face. I didn't want her to think she had committed some grave error, but I also didn't know what to say.   
“Have you ever had alcohol before?” She asked, innocently.  
I laughed again. “Yes, of course.”   
She narrowed her eyes at me like she didn't believe me. “When?” She said.   
“In college.” I paused. “More than once,” I added. She chuckled and I followed along. “I'm assuming you have too then?” I asked and she nodded yes.   
“Do you have glasses?” She didn't even ask me if I wanted some, she just assumed that I would follow her lead, which was true. I probably would have followed her off a cliff at that point. Alcohol was forbidden in our religion, but that didn't mean that most Mormon's didn't occasionally indulge. I was somewhat nervous when I went downstairs to retrieve two small glasses for Barbara and I. When I re-entered my bedroom, I shut the door and twisted the lock, something I had never done before. I smiled at Barbara tentatively when I handed her the glasses. She filled them both half-way and handed me one.   
Once we had drank some of the Brandy, Barbara ventured in to some more private topics. She pestered me about having a boyfriend, and I admitted to her that I never even kissed a boy. She laughed at me, but not in a mocking way. She was so curious about me, it made me feel shy, but the alcohol had lubricated my embarrassment and I was able to talk to her about myself without blushing too much. Barbara also confided more in me about her husband and how unhappy she was with him. My heart ached for her to be trapped in a marriage with a man she didn't love. I mad a mistake, I felt, in asking her why she didn't have children with him. She bit her lip and seemed upset and took a while to respond to me that she just didn't want a family with him. By the time we were good and drunk, Barbara suggested we go to sleep. She stood to change into her pajamas without excusing herself into my small in-suite. Her back was turned towards me, but I watched her remove her clothing and the view sent my heart beat racing. Quickly, she turned around and probably caught me staring because I wasn't able to bow my head quickly enough. My embarrassment returned in spite of the alcohol, and I excused myself to change in my small bathroom.   
In the morning, I watched Barbara as she slept in the bed next to me. During the night her covers had slipped off her legs and they were stretched out bare in front of me. A feeling of shock passed through me as I realized that I wanted to trace my finger-tips up her legs as I had done with her arm nights ago. I clutched my bedspread and tried to go back to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come.

VIII.  
It was the evening of the play, which also happened to be Christmas Eve. Barbara was so excited and the pleasure poured out of her like an overflowing cup, spilling on to me and filling me with similar enthusiasm. She had reserved a place for Nick on the opposite end of the seats I had reserved for my family, which was for the best. I had several seats saved, and Barbara had only one, which made me somewhat sad for her, especially knowing that she didn't really care for her husband as a wife would want to.   
The play was produced marvelously; Barbara did a wonderful job and the children acted to the best of their abilities. Nick had never arrived, which clearly made Barbara anxious. She returned with me and my family to the inn and celebrated with us, eating dinner and raving about the play. My father had returned from being detained, and it was a lovely evening, as far as I considered. Before Barbara left I spoke to her on the porch. She was nervous to go home to Nick because she was sure there would be a fight with all the emotions she was feeling regarding him missing the play. I tried my best to reassure her, not knowing what to say exactly. I readjusted her hair and told her she looked beautiful and that Nick would be a fool not to beg for forgiveness. When she left me on the steps, I could tell that she was upset, and that my words probably hadn't comforted her at all.   
A few hours later I was in the restaurant with my family still celebrating when Barbara arrived again. As soon as she stepped in the front door I could tell that she had been crying. I rushed to her and took her into my arms. Without a word towards my family, I grabbed her hand and pulled her up the stairs and she followed me to room, even though it was past mid-night.   
“Barbara, are you okay?” I said, the breath rushing out of me at the sight of her so distraught.   
“No Mercedes, I'm not,” she replied, sitting on my bed. I sat across from her on the bed I didn't use. The bed she had slept in days before. “Nick had the nerve to shout at me when I was upset that he had missed the play. He called me silly.”   
I reached for her hand. “Oh Barbara, that's awful. I'm so sorry.” I stroked her hand in mine.   
“He thinks I'm frivolous. He treats me like a child. I can't stand it anymore, Mercedes.” She stood and walked towards the table in my room that had previously held her bottle of Brandy and our two glasses. I followed her.   
“You are not.” I put my hands on her waist and turned her towards me. My hand instinctively went to her chin and I raised her face so we were making eye-contact. “You are beautiful, Barbara,” I said, without realizing the impact of my words.   
She paused for a while, staring into me. My heart felt like it stopped beating and my stomach was crawling up my throat like a slug, slowly tugging it's way into my mouth. I was sure my chest was heaving with how heavy I was breathing. She traced her fingers along my hand that was resting on her chin, and then let her hand fall onto my shoulder as she stepped closer. Her face was an inch away. Then I felt her nose touch mine, brushing gently, asking for permission. I didn't step back or make any move to stop her, even though I knew she was about to kiss me. When her lips finally met mine, I let out a small gasp, and kissed her back. We continued kissing, light pecks back and forth while her arms encircled my back. She opened her mouth a bit, and I felt her tongue, which made the kiss too real and intimate for me. I stopped her, stepping back and bringing my hand to my mouth.   
“I'm sorry,” I said, terrified. “I don't know what I was thinking.”   
“No, Mercedes, it wasn't your fault.” She stepped towards me and I backed away further. “Please, it was my fault. Forgive me,” she said, still moving towards me. I side-stepped her and reached for the bible sitting on the edge of my table.   
“I have to go.” My words were rushed. I couldn't look at her face. “I'm going to the church.” When I opened my door my brother's wife Elsa was standing there prepared to knock. I was to startled to say anything to her and I just rushed down the hallway, away from Barbara and any excuse I would have to make for my haste. I heard Barbara call after me, but I kept walking at a hurried pace.  
IX.  
In the church, I sat on one of the benches and stared up at the ceiling. Barbara had kissed me and I had kissed her back. I realized that I had wanted that exact thing to happen with every fiber of my being, and all I could feel was immense shame. I knew about gay women, lesbians, I was not completely ignorant of the world. I had just hoped that I would be normal and wanted so desperately to fit in with my family and the world around me. Barbara had been giving me feelings I didn't want to have, and I had thought I could ignore them while still being around her, but clearly I was wrong. I had begun to cry quietly when I heard the door open. Looking up, I noticed Barbara walking towards me quickly. She sat next to me on the bench and looked straight ahead, not making eye-contact.   
“Mercedes, please don't torment yourself,” she said. I was amazed that she knew what I was thinking and the right words to say to put me at ease.   
“I don't know what we were thinking. This isn't right.”   
“I know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Quite the opposite.”  
“I've never kissed anyone Barbara. I feel so confused.” I finally looked at her when I said the words.   
“Me too,” she said, “me too.” She reached for my hand and tickled her fingers along mine. “Why did you do it, Mercedes?” She asked, her face cradling a hurt expression.   
“I don't know,” I said, not wanting to disappoint her. “I don't know, Barbara.”   
“Me neither,” she responded. She continued, “but I want it to happen again, Mercedes.” Time slowed down a great deal. The dim lights of the church blinked as Barbara scooted closer to me. I knew what would happen and I wanted it to happen. I leaned into her, preparing for her lips. This time, she opened her mouth, almost immediately, sliding her tongue along mine and nibbling on my bottom lip as our mouths furiously connected. Her fingers were wrapped in my hair, and without realizing it my hands made their way to her face, holding her as we deepened our kiss. She moaned into me and I responded similarly. I heard the noise of a door slamming and pulled away quickly. We sat up straight and the President of our ward called out to us. He was jovial and unconcerned, so I was pretty sure he hadn't seen us, though I was still nervous.   
Barbara made up a delicate lie regarding why we were still in the church at that hour. He was sympathetic but still ushered us towards the doors. Once we were outside I hurried away from her. She rushed to catch up to me.   
“Mercedes wait,” she whispered loudly. “Don't run away from me.” I slowed my steps and she continued talking. “Please, Mercedes, please don't be mad at me.”  
“It's late, Barbara. We should both be getting home. Christmas is tomorrow.”   
“I know it's Christmas tomorrow, but can we please talk for a minute? I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable, could you please just talk to me?” Barbara was pleading.  
“We were in church, Barbara. It's a sin.” I started walking away from her again and she called out once more. “Goodnight,” I said, without looking back.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the first (and second) kiss, Mercedes explores her feelings, and has more interactions with Barbara to help her sort them out.

X.

I spent the next five days trying to keep myself busy. I took down all the Christmas decorations at the inn, even though that job was typically left for the staff. Every opportunity I had, I volunteered to look after my nephews. I engulfed myself in family time, playing games with my brothers, sharing idle gossip with my sisters-in-law, listening to my father read to his grandchildren, anything and everything I could do to keep my mind off of what had occurred between me and Barbara. But when I went to bed at night her smiling face would flash through my thoughts like a blaring alarm. I had longed to go and see her in person, but I couldn’t think of a plausible excuse. I wanted to tell her that I wasn’t mad at her, and that I missed her. While alone in my dark room, I could also admit to myself how wonderful she tasted, how delicately my heart beat when she touched me, how a warm rush overtook my body when her lips met mine.   
New Year’s Eve finally arrived, and I knew I would see Barbara that night. I would be at the church celebration with my family, and she would definitely be there too, unless she found some excuse to be absent. Everyone in our town would be there, so it wasn’t the best place to reconnect with Barbara, but still, I could not contain my excitement.   
I spent an inordinate amount of time getting ready, which was unlike me, and my sister-in-law, August, noticed.   
“Mercy, why are you wearing makeup? You never wear makeup!” She joked, laughing at my expense.   
Elsa, my other sister-in-law defended me, “Shush, August, she wears makeup sometimes. It’s a special occasion, she is allowed to make herself look nice!”   
“It’s just not like Mercy to wear makeup and a dress, and you know it. But don’t get me wrong, I fully support it. Maybe you will finally find a man, Mercy!” August laughed.   
“Oh be quiet,” I said. August and I had grown up together and we had been good friends as children. Truthfully though, she was always making fun of me, even when we were little, and now that we had grown into adults, I wasn’t so keen on taking her abuse. I was closer with Elsa, who was a good person, but she was busy and we barely ever spent any time together. A knot of loneliness tangled itself inside my gut. I closed my eyes and thought of Barbara.   
Ever since she had kissed me, when I thought of her, I felt a tingling below my waist. I knew my attraction to her was sexual, which was terrifying at first, but I had started to get used to it during the past five days. I had even started to welcome it.   
When it was time, we walked to the church as a family. My nephews ran inside to find the other children in the nursery, and the rest of the adults quickly began to mingle with friends and neighbors. I found myself standing near the front door, scanning the crowd for Barbara. Once I found her, it was nearly impossible for me to not run towards her. She was wearing a paper thin dress that clung to her figure like it was painted on. The red color matched her finger-nails and the brightness of it, the brightness of her, sent my heart racing. I calmed myself and waited for her to make eye-contact with me. It seemed to take forever, but finally she looked my way. Her eyes raked up and down my body and I couldn’t catch my breath. On instinct, my fingers went to my neck and I lightly traced the edge of my dress collar. Before I knew it, she was stalking towards me like a wild animal. I was happy to be her prey.   
However, when she reached me, she became shy. Her voice was almost a whisper when she said, “Hello Mercedes.”  
I knew I had to do something to put her at ease, to make her feel comfortable. “Come with me,” I said, and reached for her hand. I was rewarded with one of her glowing smiles that filled me up like an empty pitcher. 

XI.

She followed me through narrow hallways that were lit only by the glow of the main room where the others gathered. Soft shadows trailed behind us as I weaved my way through the maze-like building that had too many rooms and alcoves, all of which I knew by heart. I was heading towards an out of the way office that I knew would be vacant. An office so out of the way that I was sure no one would stumble upon us. Reaching for the door handle, I could feel a bubble of air forcing its way into my throat, impeding my breathing.   
Once we were inside, I closed the door and flicked the internal lock. Barbara looked at me in the half darkness. Her wet tongue slid along her upper and then lower lip. I couldn’t tell if she made the gesture on purpose or not, but seeing it slowed my breathing even more and made me feel somewhat dizzy. “I wanted to tell you, I’m not mad at you,” I said. She reached for my hand. At first she just held it, looking at it, swirling her soft finger-tips along the veins in my wrist. Then she pulled it against her breast and rested it there. I could feel her nipple turn into a hard pebble underneath my touch, which made me gasp. She smiled more.   
“I’m so glad,” she said, “I worried about you during this past week.” She stepped closer towards me. I was backed against the door when her body pressed into mine. Her knee slid in between my thighs, hiking the skirt of my dress up a bit. I gasped once more when the center of me made contact with her leg and she let out a quiet giggle. “Can I kiss you again, Mercedes?” She asked.   
I didn’t say yes or no. I didn’t trust myself to speak. All I could think about was Barbara’s mouth, my gaze resting on her lips that were curved into a subtle smile. She knew I wanted her. She knew she didn’t have to ask for permission. I wanted to feel that power that she was quite clearly feeling, so I took a chance and stepped into Barbara, meeting her lips with my own. It was soft at first, innocent pecks, but as the seconds passed, it turned hungrier and more passionate. I couldn’t stop myself from moaning and I felt my desires for her grow even stronger when I heard her making similar noises. Her breaths were coming out in loud pants and grunts. The flimsy dress she was wearing did little to protect her skin from my hands as they squeezed and pulled on the bones in her hips. I yanked her into me and was scratching down her exposed back with my short nails, my teeth biting at her bottom lip, when she stepped back from me.   
“What’s wrong?” I asked, missing the feel of her against me, my chest rising and falling like waves in a rough sea.   
“Nothing.” She smiled and stepped closer to me again. “Nothing is wrong.” That smile could resuscitate me from a long and certain death. “We have to be careful. Our makeup will get smudged, and I’m sure I have some claw marks on my back.” She winked and kissed my cheek. She let her lips linger on my face while her hands ran up and down my sides, finally coming to rest on my lower back. She was embracing me.   
“I’m sorry, I got carried away,” I whispered into her ear, which was just below my mouth.   
“No! Don’t be sorry. Don’t ever be sorry about kissing me, okay? It’s forbidden.” She leaned in for one more kiss. It was so difficult for me to separate from her. I was happy that she took the lead and I followed her out of the dark office.   
We agreed that we would try to find other people to talk to at the party, but my gaze never left Barbara for very long. Luckily for me, Barbara’s husband was preoccupied with games the men were playing. When we counted down to midnight, she was looking at me. Her stare was so intense I thought I might faint, but I certainly wasn’t going to look away. As the crowd of voices reached the number one, Barbara made a small kissing motion with lips and closed her eyes. When she opened them, I felt like a new person. 

XII.

The next time I saw Barbara was when school started again after the holiday break. She was walking down the hallway in a blue sweater, her hair was pulled back, showing off her beautiful face. I was leaning against the doorway to my classroom, saying goodbye to the students who were still trailing out lazily. When she noticed me watching her, her steps became more languid and purposeful. It was strange that she could be so flirtatious just by walking towards me and looking at me. I had never met a person like Barbara and I wondered if she was able to put this spell on other people as well. A pang of jealousy rippled through me at the thought.   
She stopped in front of me, almost too close for a public setting. “Good afternoon, Mercedes,” she said formally, but her tongue flicked against her lips in that delicious way. I smiled and returned with a formal response.   
“You’ll never believe it, but the Principal has offered me a temporary position. I guess Mrs. Mechler needs maternity leave.” She smiled when she finished speaking and her eyebrows went up and down.   
“Of course I believe it, you’re the perfect woman for the job.” I smirked back at her. “Come in?” I asked and waved into my now empty classroom.   
“I’d love to.” She followed me to my desk and sat in the seat that faced mine. She rested her arms on my desk and I resisted the urge to find her hands with my own. A long pause passed between us; I stared at her still smiling, but not knowing what to say. She pulled her arms back, but didn’t start speaking as I had wished she might.  
“Barbara, I…” I started, but trailed off, not quite knowing how to finish my thoughts. I settled on telling her what first came to my mind, “I’ve been missing you.” I tried to say it with confidence, but I’m sure I sounded like an injured lamb when I finally mustered the courage to utter the words. It didn’t matter, because Barbara immediately smiled and breathed a sigh of relief.   
“Me too Mercedes,” she said and rose from her seat. She almost ran around my large desk and kneeled down, reaching for my hands that rested neatly in my lap. “I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear you say that.” She tugged a little on my hand indicating she wanted me to stand. I did, and followed her to a sofa in the back of my classroom. “I never thought this would happen again,” she said as we sat.   
“What do you mean?” I questioned.   
“I never thought I would feel this way again, about another woman,” she finished speaking. She was still holding on to my hands, but she let go to brush an errant strand of hair behind my ears. I always wore a tight bun in my hair and by the end of the day the hairs that framed my face usually came loose. When Barbara’s fingers touched my face, I closed my eyes and sighed.   
“You’ve felt this way before?” I asked, the jealousy that I had felt earlier was threatening to return, but Barbara’s hands touching my face, my body, kept it at bay.  
“Yes,” she said, “once. I was young and my parents had sent me to a summer camp. The counselor was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, until you.” She smiled and stroked my face again. Then she continued to explain her fear and unease when she had realized her feelings for her counselor, which made her worry that I was feeling the same way.  
“I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared, Barbara.” I swallowed hard after I said the words. I needed to be honest with her, but I also didn’t want to hurt her. “I’ve never even kissed a boy, you know?”   
“It’s okay, Mercedes. It’s okay to be scared,” she said. Her face was inching closer towards mine and I knew her intention was to kiss me. Nervousness made my palms sweaty and I pulled them out of her grip. I could feel her warm breath tickling my lips, we were almost kissing when the door to my classroom creaked open. Elsa walked in. 

 

XIII.

Elsa decided to confront me after dinner time. I was in my room dressing for bed, when she let herself in and closed the door quietly behind her.   
“What’s going on between you and Barbara?” She asked, cutting right to the chase. I was flummoxed. I didn’t know how to respond. It was obvious that she had caught Barbara and I in some sort of compromised situation earlier in the day at the school, but I had hoped that she would not have the audacity to speak to me about such a taboo topic. Elsa wasn’t typically confrontational, and she usually liked to let things go.  
“I don’t know what you mean,” I said, playing dumb and pretending to be busy with folding clothes that were already neatly arranged on my desk.   
“Mercy, you can tell me. You can trust me.” She sat down on my bed. I kept folding and unfolding the same skirt. “At least put that laundry down. Come talk to me honestly.”   
“Elsa, I really don’t know what you mean. Barbara and I are friends. She was just hired on full time at the school and she came to my classroom to tell me the good news, that’s all.” I sat next to her on the bed, still holding the skirt I had been folding.   
“Why were you sitting so close to each other?” She asked. I stood up, frustrated. I started pacing the room.   
“What do you mean? I don’t know, we weren’t that close.” I stopped pacing, realizing I looked guilty. “That’s just how Barbara sits. She’s very… I don’t know, she’s touchy feely. She doesn’t have a large personal bubble.” I was rambling now and when I looked down at Elsa, she was almost smiling a little bit.   
“Okay, whatever you say Mercy,” she said, and I wished she would stop smiling. This wasn’t funny at all. She walked toward the door she had let herself in and paused with her hand on the knob. Before she left she said “When you’re ready to tell me, I’ll be waiting.” 

 

XIV.

My heart was thumping louder than a bass drum when I called Barbara from my room. I kept my voice as quiet as possible, hoping no one would hear me making a phone call past midnight. I had delayed calling her, telling myself I would wait until we met at school the next day, but my nerves were getting the best of me and I knew the only person who could make me feel calm was Barbara, so I called her despite the hour.   
When she answered, the tiredness in her voice made it obvious I had woken her. “Barbara..?” I said tentatively.   
“Mercedes, what’s wrong?” She asked. I paused for an unnatural amount of time, realizing I didn’t know how to explain what had happened. “Mercedes?” She said again, and I could hear rustling in the background. It sounded like Barbara was getting out of bed and I cringed imagining her lying next to Nick. Nick was an oaf, overweight and unshaven, his gut hung over his always present gun belt. More importantly, he was unkind to Barbara. I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind. I needed to talk to Barbara about Elsa.   
“Yes, I’m here. I’m sorry, I don’t know where to start.”   
“Is it about Elsa?” Barbara asked. I was always so grateful that she seemed to be able to read my mind, and situations without having to be told.   
“Yes, she questioned me,” I paused again and laid fully down on my bed, feeling more at ease now that I was speaking with Barbara about it.   
“I thought that might happen. We were so close in your classroom and she’s an observant woman,” Barbara stopped speaking and I heard her swallow. When she spoke again she sounded nervous. “What did you say?”   
“I told her we are friends. That we’ve gotten close quickly. That you have no personal bubble. I don’t know Barbara, I started rambling!” Barbara chuckled a bit at my statement. I was amazed that she could laugh at a time like this, but hearing her giggle through the phone made me even more calm, and I laughed a bit too. “It’s not funny!” I said, still smiling.   
“No, it’s not. But the way you described it is so adorable.” Barbara’s words made my smile deepen. I clutched my chest feeling weak and out of breath. “And what did Elsa say?” The smile had left her voice, she was serious now.   
“Nothing really, but she didn’t seem to believe me.” I didn’t want to tell her the full truth of what Elsa said. Barbara and I had only kissed and touched, and while I wanted desperately for whatever tryst we were beginning to continue and grow, I didn’t want to force Barbara to make any commitments to me. I didn’t want to make her nervous by asking her to define what we were to each other.   
“Let’s not worry about it, okay? Everything will be okay. Now, go back to bed and I will see you in the morning, beautiful.” A warm wave washed over me when I heard her call me beautiful. 

 

XV.

Having Barbara as a new teacher at the school was wonderful. We saw each other every day without having to make any excuses. Also, since we were both teachers now, the excuses that we did need to make came easier. My family, with the exception of Elsa, didn’t think it was strange that Barbara and I had grown so close so quickly. At least, if they did think it was strange they did not make it known to me. Nick was barely ever home and oblivious to Barbara’s needs when he was, so I never worried that he might catch on that Barbara and I were sharing kisses and touches and as much time together as we possibly could.   
Lately I had begun to wonder if Barbara would ever do anything besides kiss me. I wasn’t unhappy with the kisses, they were intoxicating. Often times our kisses would be urgent and taken during a stolen moment. It felt so amazing to know that there was something about me that made Barbara so aroused that she took these risks. That she would press my body up against the back door of the movie theater, glancing from side to side to make sure we were alone, before diving towards me like a swimmer into water. When our mouths would meet, a symphony of sighs would always start. Moans. Grunts. My desire was growing out of control, and I was certain that kisses were becoming not enough to satisfy me.   
On a Thursday after school, we were at Barbara’s house alone. It had been weeks since Elsa confronted me and my anxiety about the situation had nearly dissipated, but I still couldn’t help but bring it up as a topic of conversation far too often, which I had on that day. “Are you still worried about Elsa, Mercedes? Because you shouldn’t be. I think she cares about you a lot. You two are good friends right?”  
“We used to be best friends, but yes, we are close and she cares about me.”  
“I don’t think she would do anything to hurt you.” Barbara said, scooting closer to me on her loveseat. “Please stop worrying,” she whispered into my hair, her warm breath was a blanket slipping over me. Her fingers moved into my hair, loosening my bun that had stayed tight all day. Her lips moved from kissing my head to kissing my mouth. Kisses that had previously started out slow moved almost immediately to unbridled passion now. Obviously Barbara was just as eager to move beyond kissing as I was. And as that thought flitted through my head, one of Barbara’s hands moved towards the hem of my skirt. Goosebumps and trails of what felt like fire followed her finger-tips as they lightly traced their way up my calf, past my knee, onto the soft flesh of my inner thigh. I couldn’t contain the noises that were coming from my mouth, which was still locked onto Barbara’s. Every moan I made into her mouth seemed to encourage her further until her finger-tips were resting on the elastic of my cotton underwear. Just as her hand was beginning to slide underneath the seam, the front door to her house slammed open. She removed her hand quickly and reached up to make some sort of sense of my hair, which had spilled all around my neck and shoulders.   
“Barbara?” Nick yelled. “Where are you?”   
“We’re in the living room.” Satisfied with the job she had done on my hair, Barbara stood and smoothed the wrinkles out of her own skirt. Nick came barging in like he was in some sort of rush. He was full of confidence, as always, and he gave me a mean stare from where he stood in the entry way of their home.   
“What’s for dinner?” He almost shouted. He didn’t bother to acknowledge my presence.   
“It’s only 4:30 Nick, I haven’t planned anything yet,” Barbara said. It was obvious to me that she was annoyed by the tone in her voice and her body language, but Nick either didn’t seem to notice or care. He walked towards her and pulled her into a hug. I could taste bile rising into my throat.   
“I have to go to Pocatello again tonight. Can you make me something? I need to hit the road in an hour.” He held her like she was something he possessed, and then pulled her away when he was done with the hug. I was suddenly disgusted and started making excuses to leave. Barbara walked me to their front door and stepped out onto the porch with me.   
“I’m sorry Mercedes,” she said. The sadness had returned to her eyes. Sadness that always seemed to follow Nick into Barbra’s life.   
“Don’t be,” I said, pressing my hand onto her shoulder. I leaned in and whispered, “I wish I could kiss you goodbye,” which made her shudder.   
“Can you come back later?” She asked with a hopeful tone.   
“I will try.” I turned and walked down the few steps that led up to her house. Before I was out of view of her front door, I turned to look back, and she was still standing there, watching me. 

XVI.

I wasn’t able to escape to Barbara’s house that night. In fact, we had spent too much time apart in the past month because I was helping my father plan our move into our new home. He had purchased an estate a little ways away from the main part of town and the inn. It was a home that he had dreamed about since he was a little boy, and although the thought of being away from the town, and therefore Barbara, upset me, I tried to be enthusiastic about the move because I knew how important it was to my father.   
Barbara and I had been able to steal kisses here and there, at school, after a movie, in my room at the inn, but we hadn’t spent more than five minutes or so alone in a non-public place since the day Barbara caressed my thigh. I was dying to know what it would feel like if she had been able to keep going. If she had been able to touch me where she wanted to. I was also terrified. I sensed that Barbara knew I was scared, especially since we had almost been caught by Elsa kissing, and then by her husband doing that and more. She was taking it more slowly again, which was making me impatient, but also immensely grateful. I didn’t know if I would ever be completely comfortable to go to the next step, to have sex with Barbara. I couldn’t even imagine it to prepare myself, because I had no idea what to do.   
I called Barbara on a Saturday morning to invite her to help me move the rest of my belongings to my dad’s new house. He insisted that I move in with him because he didn’t want me living in the inn as a single woman. I barely put up a fight, knowing it was futile. Barbara agreed to help me, and within minutes she had arrived at the inn to meet me in her car. I didn’t have a car and was grateful that Barbara did, so that we could still see each other frequently enough after the move was final.   
“Are you excited to be done?” She asked when I slipped into the passenger seat and buckled the seat-belt.   
“Yes, but I don’t want to be this far away from you,” I said pouting. She gave me a sideways look that was almost a little eye-roll. I found her gestures and expressions so alluring. I reached for her hand that rested on her gear shift and softly squeezed. She drove a little faster. We didn’t speak for the rest of the ride. The windows were rolled down and both of us had loose hair. By the time we made it to the new house, Barbara’s hair was messy but incredibly gorgeous. In fact, I had never seen her look so beautiful and natural.   
She pulled up the driveway and let out a soft gasp. “Mercedes, you didn’t tell me it was so beautiful!” She put the car in park and hurried out, marching towards the front door.   
“Wait for me,” I said, trailing behind her. “It’s locked.”   
“Hurry up, slow-poke,” she said grabbing onto my waist with both hands and pulling me in for a kiss. I responded even though I was more than nervous to be kissing a woman on my front porch, even if we were isolated and without neighbors.   
“Follow me,” I said, opening the door and leading Barbara through the wide house, straight through the living room and out the back door where the pool awaited.   
“I can’t believe you asked me to bring my bathing suit. It’s not warm enough to swim yet,” Barbara said. She stood at the edge of the pool smiling at me.   
“The pool is heated. Feel it.” I approached her and kneeled down, dipping my hand in the water. It was delightful.   
“Oh my gosh.” She swirled her hands in a circle and looked up at me eagerly. “Can we?” She asked.  
“Of course! Let’s go change.” 

XVII.

Once we were in the pool the atmosphere changed. It became even more erotic and charged and I was sure that the ache in my stomach wouldn’t go away unless Barbara made it go away. She had me pressed against the side of the pool, our bodies flush against each other. She was kissing my neck and face and ears and chest. Reaching behind me she unclasped the top of my bikini. The straps fell to my sides with a little push from the woman who was undressing me. Before I could make any statement of protest, Barbara was taking her top off too, which calmed me somewhat. She pressed her body back into mine; the feeling of her taut nipples against my stomach almost made me shriek, but I was able to control myself. She returned to kissing me, her knee rising in between my thighs. When her hand started moving down my naked belly, I reached for her and stopped her.   
“Barbara, this is crazy. We can’t do this here.”   
“Why not? Your dad is in Pocatello, right? Relax, Mercedes. Breathe.”  
I did what she told me to and tried to breath. It was difficult with her kissing me and caressing me in places she had never touched before. Her lips lingered on my neck while her soft hands tickled along my sides, giving me goosebumps under the water. Again, her hand slowly crept towards my bikini bottoms, but this time I didn’t stop her. When her fingers gently stroked me, I cried out. Barbara smiled at me and came closer, without moving her hand. She kept it there, and cupped me as she brought her lips to my ear and whispered, “take me to your bedroom.” 

XVIII. 

I could hear my heart pounding in my ears while Barbara hovered above me. We were on my bed; she had undressed me slowly before undressing herself. She floated her hands over my bare legs, putting a ghost of a touch on my skin and making me shiver and whimper and writhe. I was terrified. Barbara didn’t say anything, but the way she looked and me, with her eyes gentle and understanding, dulled my fears into more of a thrill. She looked at me with reverence, like my body was an altar that she could pray before. I closed my eyes and continued to let my body move in the way that it wanted to, which was closer towards Barbara, while her hands caressed the length of my body. Soon, she was kissing me again. Her naked skin was a soft fabric rubbing itself along my body, which began to shake uncontrollably. I had lost all control of myself from feeling so absolutely wonderful beneath her. Where our bodies met in the middle, I could feel the wetness from Barbara mixing with my wetness, and the aroma of our mutual arousal was intoxicating. Barbara’s hands were no longer gentle but insistent when she squeezed onto the bones of my hips while she grinded her pelvis into me. Her nipples were as hard as bullets and without thinking my fingers went to them and twisted gently. She cried out and finally spoke words “Ay, Mercedes…” but it was as if her voice had changed and become more powerful. I was no longer scared and I turned her over onto her back so I could be on top of her. She chuckled and reached for my face, dragging me into a kiss that I could not break, not that I wanted to. I had never felt anything so amazing as Barbara’s mouth latched onto mine while our clits rubbed against each other, fattening and throbbing. I couldn’t have broken it because Barbara’s hands were clasped behind my neck, holding me firmly, while she bucked and wiggled underneath me.   
She took the top position again, and quite easily too, because my limbs had become limp and my core strength had given out. Before I had a chance to catch my breath, Barbara was sliding down my torso, her eyes wide and glistening, her mouth open and ready. She bit her lip and looked at me like she was a wild animal about to run through an open field, and that’s when she lowered her mouth onto my pulsing clit and licked. I gasped and screamed and cried out. She must have thought she hurt me because she moved away and I had to beg for her to return, which was difficult because my thoughts were barely coherent. All that I knew was that I might not survive if Barbara’s mouth stopped giving me pleasure. The look on her face, so feral and satisfied with her power over me, but hungry for me at the same time, the look filled me with a content eagerness. When Barbara returned to me, licking and lapping and nibbling slightly, it was clear that she was enjoying herself. I dared to open my eyes and my breath caught when I saw Barbara’s rear end bouncing up and down. The realization that she was grinding herself into the bed while she used her tongue to make my body feel so utterly incredible was so completely erotic that I felt my orgasm beginning just at the sight of it. My hands found their way into her beautiful black hair and I pulled her closer to me when I cried out. I wanted to say her name, I was repeating it inside my head like a protective mantra, but I couldn’t speak real words. I was afraid it would be too powerful, like a spell. I had waited for this moment for months, maybe longer, maybe since the instant I had met Barbara I was waiting for it. She knew I was finished, my hips had elevated and then returned to my bed. My breaths were heaving in and out of me. My fingers relaxed and released the tangles I was creating in her hair. But she didn’t stop. She slowed down and become more thoughtful and gentle, but her tongue was still on me, licking and swirling and reminding me of one of the new ways she could now control me.   
“Come here,” I said, reaching for her arms. She mumbled something, and it felt like a buzzing on my clit. She took one last, long lick, and this time her tongue went inside me. I thought I might die from the feeling of too much pleasure.   
She took her time crawling up my body. Her intense eye-contact reopened my fearful feelings. I pushed them away and tried not to allow myself to feel anything but the happiness she had grown inside me. Reaching for her, I pulled her down onto me and kissed her lips. She tasted like me, and I realized that she tasted delicious. I was overcome with the overwhelming desire to push my face into the place where she had been and make her cum and cum and cum and cum again.   
“You…” I started speaking but she silenced me with her mouth. She kissed me slowly and softly and I started shaking again. When she pulled her mouth away, she used her hands to caress my face and then moved her hand further down my body to pet me and to reassure me and to still me.   
I exhaled slowly, calming down. Then I looked up at her and noticed a small tear making it’s way out of her eye.   
“I love you,” she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who left comments. If people are still enjoying the story, I will continue to write more, so please let me know if you like it. 
> 
> And, as always, I would love any critique to potentially make it better. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you find the story enjoyable and I will continue to build on it. I also welcome all constructive criticism, and thanks for reading.


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